Today is the second day of debrief for our team in Costa Rica. I cant believe this year is so close to being over and soon I will be back in Ga with my family and friends. As excited and ready as I am to reconnect with so many people my heart is also breaking at the thought of saying goodbye to so many new loved ones i have come to know here in Nicaragua. I think something I am having to realize is that saying goodbye does not nesacarily have to mean forever. God may have more for me in Nicaragua but who knows...i need to rely on him and have faith that whatever he has prepared for my future is good and he is my strength in any situation i may face. His strength is what sustained me during this year when i would miss home or ever felt discouraged and his strength is what will sustain me as i head back home. the thought of leaving here scares me in a way because i am leaving such a community of believers here and going home to many old familiar temptations and situations that have not been a problem for me here in Nicaragua. Its such a different culture and i have so adjusted to this one that I'm in right now and i hope the transition will be a easy one. This week I have been going through the book of 1 Samuel. I dont think i have ever really spent a significant amount of time reading that book but God has been teaching me a lot through it. Mainly about what it means to have integrity. True and complete integrity in whatever you do. I think sometimes i act like eli's sons who made the sacrifice to God but still kept some for themselves. How often do i do the similar thing. Do the right thing for God making sure that i still benefit from it in the end. If not why worry about doing it? I want God to strip away all my selfishness and double-mindedness about things and seek after making sure every act i make is done with integrity. I know i have not always acted with integrity this year in certain situations but God is starting to reveal those moments when i didn't to me and convict me with how i relied on myself before him. As much as i have grown and changed this year...i still see so many areas in my character where i need more of God's Spirit to chip away and mold me into the woman he desires me to be one day. I'm only half way through 1 samuel right now but i would encourage anyone to spend time studying the first 12 chapters and think about how God has called us to live lives of integrity for him and although we wont always get it right...God sees our trying hearts and that means more to him than our failures. (thank you Beth Moore for that little nugget:)
Thank You God for using my team this year. For molding us and changing us into passionate seekers of who you are. Sorry for the many times we or i know i screw up and get caught up in myself. Bless this last week that we have together in Nicaragua. Be with our families and friends at home. Dont let us choose not to take hold of every conversation and opportunity at home because its easier to be different in Nicaragua. Create bold hearts in us in America. Fill us with your joy and peace about the upcoming new season in all of our lives. You are our rock and the one who brought us all here together for a purpose.Now help us take what we have learned and apply it in a different culture and dont let us become discouraged from seeking more of You. I love you and thank You Lord!
I am not feeling so great right now. It's been a tough couple weeks but God never fails to remind me that he is still a good and merciful God and will never change. I'm just really exhausted this week and it's not so much from ministry and what not but more from thinking and worrying about things that I really have no control over. At some point, and I'm not sure where but I became the type of person that feels like they have to and deserve to know the next step before they have even stepped off the other one. Honestly this summer is looking like a big question mark and even after the summer is still unclear. I really am uncomfortable with that feeling. It sucks not to know where your at or where your going especially when you're a person who usually enjoys being in control (which I do;). I have seen in myself over the last few weeks that not having control over the big things in my life causes me to seek to have control in every other situation around me during the day. I want to change this about myself and learn to trust God in not only some but all of the situations that arise in my life. I only have a few weeks left here in Nicaragua which makes me so sad but I am determined to use that time fully and not stress about every tomorrow before it gets here. Right now I'm sitting on our porch watching some of the guys here work on the roof of the prayer house. It's awesome how it is coming together. I cant wait to hear how God uses the prayer house to reach people in the upcoming years. This whole place has changed radically since we first came here in September. El Puente does not even look like the same place at all. The work in the room that is going to be the library was finished the other day so hopefully kids will soon be able to come there to read and learn. I feel like there is so much that is happening in the next few weeks. The race is coming up this month to raise funds for Vida Joven. Bible Studies are going strong in the neighborhood, and other ministries are happening. It's going to be hard to leave some things that don't feel finished but I have to remind myself that He who started a good work in us will carry it out to completion even if that means other people get to finish it.
Well I haven't blogged since returning from spring break...sorry...but it has been great being back here in Granada and getting back into the swing of things for the last couple months here in Nicaragua. I cant believe how fast May is coming up on us. This year has been a blur for me and I'm not sure how I'm feeling about leaving Nicaragua. I absolutely cant wait to see everyone at home but as happy as I am about that is about how bad it hurts to think about leaving this place but I know God has a plan and I have to trust that. I feel like talking about Young Life in this blog. The last couple of weeks I was really starting to get discouraged with being a leader in Young Life. I think a lot of that had to do with how much I have had to step out in front of the teens and that's intimidating but I almost got to a point not feeling like I could keep doing Young Life but for some reason this past week of Young Life has been awesome and really has helped to recharged me to strive to be a better leader. Thursdays is when we have Club for Young Life and everybody really got into the party theme and went all out. Everybody's faces were painted and I felt like everybody was having a great time. God is really using Young Life to minister to the teens in this town. ESL was also a blast this week. Tuesday, we overall had a great day teaching about going to the store and how you would handle any situation that might come up. Thursday we took all our students to La Colonia and had a scavenger hunt for them. It went really well and helped our students to get out of the classroom for a little bit and use the English that they have learned. I hope everyone is doing well and everyone is in my prayers!
Love,
Jenn
Yes, I have not blogged in a while and i end up deciding to do it on my last day of spring break here in San Juan Del Sur. This has definitely been an interesting week for me spiritually. Me, Amy, and Jessica have had a great time here relaxing and spending some time at the beach and are getting ready to head back to Granada tomorrow.
I really am getting ready to go back. I have really missed my ministries this week. This part of mission trips are the weirdest for me. The week where we turn into tourists again:) I like walking around Granada with a sense of home and not feeling like i have to take pictures of everything like a new gringo in town.
But for one week i have turned into the picture taking gringo again in San Juan which is not a bad thing but I guess i just feel weird about it since the reality of how quickly the end of the trip is coming up and Im not sure if im ready to leave yet. I love my life here and the completely unamerican culture that im surrounded by everyday.
As excited as i am to get back and see friends and loved ones; it will be redicuously hard to leave the friends and loved ones i have came to know here. The thought of "what more can i honestly do here with only 2 months left" has definitely crossed my mind but i have realized that is such a lie and a temptation to take on a spirit of laziness during the remainder of our time here. I want to go back to my ministries next week with a new zeal and passion to really pour into them.
Another interesting thing that happend this week for me was God giving me some peace about what i might do this summer after the trip. I was worrying about it because the last thing i would want to do would be to go back home and sit around for the summer but i found an opportunity for a summer job to be a camp counselor. I think it would be a lot of fun so it is definitely a thought but im not sure yet.
Me and Amy were talking last night outside of our hostel and the conversation got a little off topic and the thought of "dating"God came up. At first it really caught me off guard when she said it and i think my response was something like "i understand what your saying but thats kinda weird" And honestly, that is a uncomfortable thought for me but why not date God. So many times I tell God with my actions "i dont want to be with you" and yet he keeps pursuing me.
Growing up i heard the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" and for the most part i think its probably true and i probably would not be able to give somebody a second chance for doing that to me, but how often do i cheat on God when I claim that he´s the love of my life... he always lets me run back to him again knowing that I´m probably going to screw up again...i dont know...i just think its interesting how easily i judge people that do it to other people here but i do it quite a bit in my relationship with God...
anyway its just been on my mind since we were talking and felt like sharin so not sure what other peoples thoughts on that are but i hope everyone is having a wonderful week and also that my youth group back home had a great time at winterfest this weekend:)
This second part of my year in Nicaragua is really starting to fly by which is pretty bitter sweet to me. Last week was a pretty good one here. I was definitely kept busy! Mondays and Wednesdays me and Caleb Austin have been working at a feeding center at Santa Rosa in the mornings and afternoons and I am really enjoying it. The ladies there are so sweet and fun to be around and have taught me how to peel about anything you could think of and being with them helps me with my Spanish so much. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have been teaching ESL with Joe and Sarah and our class is going really well. We had two students in our first class and now have ten students. It's been really exciting to watch the class grow and to see them learn as the classes go by. I am spending Fridays with Young Life playing Volley Ball and Soccer and love doing that. Granted I spend more of my time talking to people there than I'm actually playing sports but I would just hate to impress everybody with how (not so good) I am. Saturdays I get a good chunck of internet time in the mornings and then come back to El Puente in the afternoons for children's ministry. This past Sunday all of the girls and guys split up and went out to spend the day together. I'm not really sure what the guys did for their guy time but the girls went to Managua to eat at Papa Johns which was amazing!! After that some girls went to see a movie and some walked around in the managua mall. After that we went home and did facials, nails, and watched a movie. It was a nice day to spend together and get away from Granada for a little while. It's only Monday but I am pretty excited about this week already. Natalia came by today and invited me and Amy to hang out with her at some point this week. We don't really see her as much anymore because she hasn't been translating for us as much so I am excited to catch up with her. Me and Sarah Kaye are going out to eat one day this week for discipleship time. I'm enjoying her being my discipler. She has a good way at looking at things. I also have my ministries this week and have spent a good amount of time preparing for a couple of them so I think those will go well.
This past week has been a faith struggle for me. The girls on our team have been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study on Fridays in the morning and I honestly wasn't into it from the beginning. I have actually began to enjoy it though as we are about to go into the 4th week of it. The main message of this study has been faith. I think my biggest hang up about the topic being faith was knowing that I already believe in God. I want to learn about different topics, but anyway I think it was week two that talked about there being a difference between believing in God and believing God. I want to actually believe God for everything he says and what he says about me. So many people believe in God as far as existence goes but to believe God for what he is, speaks about the relationship. Tuesday night during our Vida Joven meeting for Bible Study, I just had to leave. I got up and went out into the yard and just cried. I felt defeated and I knew at the time that it was just a spiritual attack but at the time it just felt awful because it was the first time I have ever truly questioned God to an extent of just wanting to throw in the towel. God has always been the strongest force in my life but all the circumstances in our lives can have a way of causing us to lose heart. So I'm sitting out in the yard at this point still very upset and look up and of course the clouds had covered up all the stars. The stars have always captivated me and been the greatest way God has ever really shown his glory to me. I know it sounds corny but oh well...I started praying "God, I want to see the stars. I need to see your beauty right now because I'm falling in a hole of faith right now". A few minutes later I looked back up to find a crystal clear sky with some awesome stars. Yes, you can chop that up into weird Nicaraguan weather but I know what my heart was feeling at that moment and I believe God sees the desires of our hearts and opened up the clouds for me where I was sitting. For some reason that provided me with the hope that I needed to remember why I put my faith in God in the first place.
So I hate memorizing stuff...but it has been such a huge part of this week for me. I remember memorizing Bible verses for Sunday School and even memorizing different things for school and I would always do it but then let myself forget whatever it was after I recited it or got a grade for it. Recently I heard that memorization is the best way to learn something by repeating it over and over again. I always feel such a lack of knowledge when it comes to the Word of God and have beat myself up about it because its not because I'm not reading it...but I haven't been storing it in my heart in the right way. Charles Kaye really challenged me one week when he asked us what we have been memorizing...and my response was somewhat like "why would I be doing that...because for some reason I always imagine little kids memorizing verses". Anyway it really convicted me and showed me how powerful it can be to just pull those treasures out when you need them without having to carry your Bible around everywhere with you.J So I started memorizing a few verses this week in Acts and have just been sitting on them all week thinking about the fullness of their meanings as well as I understand it. It was kind of ironic on Wednesday because Yener told me that as a leader in Young Life I was going to need to memorize all of the books of the Bible in Spanish this week. So far I have the Old Testament down but am still working on the New Testament. I didn't really see a point for doing this until I started doing it and have had a pretty good time because I'm a lot faster now at finding stuff because now I know what book comes after what.
Over all the week was fine except for having a case of food poisoning last weekend. That was not fun at all but it gave me some time to rest and watch some movies and catch up on a book I've been trying to get through. God has a way of making you rest sometimes when you need it because I am really bad about not letting myself make that time to chill out when I feel like I have a ton of things to do.
Going home for a few weeks was great and I needed it very much but I am so excited to be back here with the people and a place that I have come to know and love very much. I believe God started a good work here with our team and he is going to carry it out to completion in the next few months. I really believe Christmas Break served its purpose in renewing my desire to come back here with fresh passion to impact lives with Christ's love and see things happen in Nicaragua. Before going home for Christmas anybody who knows me could tell you how much I was stressing out about the future and they would be dead on, and I don't know if its just the excitement of being back here and starting new ministries but this week I have just felt such an overwhelming peace about some of the things I was worrying about; like what I will be doing after this year. Its almost like before and I still feel this way sometimes but now I know its wrong...that I don't have the all the time I need to do the things I want to do but I'm starting to see that the only time constraints that we have are the ones that we put on ourselves and that is what stresses me out.
Right now I really just want to be focused on the next five months and deciding which ministries I really want to pour into. I really love having the option to be involved with the type of thing that I am passionate about. I have really enjoyed working with the kids down here but God's really starting to show me that I like working with young people around my age. Young Life is one ministry that I definitely want to stay involved with just because of some of the fruit we have already seen from it.
ESL is the other ministry that I didn't know I would enjoy so much but I really have and there are a few ways that I can keep doing that this semester. God has really started to show me that I really enjoy teaching...especially in a class room setting. Sisters of Charity is not starting back up until February but I am looking forward to that because I enjoy working with those girls so much.
We also have a new leader that came this week and I think we all have enjoyed meeting him and hope that he feels like a part of the team very soon.
God is just so awesome and he has really been showing me that this week in my quiet times. We started a new Beth Moore Bible study in our Girls Bible Study and I really think I'm going to enjoy it. The first week was about us as children of God being the spiritual descendents of Abraham and God wanting to pour out his blessings on us. I think I needed to hear that because sometimes its hard to remember that when things get tough or decisions need to be made. Christ is amazing and I'm thankful for all he has done already and will do in the next few months.
Coming home for a couple weeks to catch up with family and friends has been great! It has been busy in some aspects but also relaxing too. I have definitely been catching up on my Starbucks and American junk food:) I'm thankful for getting to come home for Christmas because my family had a great one and I hope everyone else did also.Coming home from Nicaragua has been challenging in some ways. Its been easy to feel a little bit out of the loop with everybody's lives here because I haven't been here. I have also noticed how much more confident I can be in Nicaragua doing certain things than I am at home doing the same thing. I'm not completely sure why that is but it is definitely something that I want to work on. I can't believe we are already half way through this year. It has been so awesome and I thought the way that our team left in December by talking as a team about all the funny, challenging, awesome, and bad things that have happened so far was so great. It made me appreciate those moments so much more. I think being home has recharged me in some ways about the next part of the year. The one passage in the Bible that has been a huge encouragement to me the last few weeks has been Jeremiah Ch. 1. I want God to speak HIS words through me instead of me just talking all of the time. I only have a few more days here with my family and friends before we go back and I really plan to enjoy every moment that I get to spend with everybody. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and has a Happy New Year!
I'm down to the last week (actually day)before we go back home for Christmas break! This week has definitely been a challenging one. Our team has been in Omatepe which is an island in Nicaragua and we worked at an orphanage there. It was a great experience and I enjoyed working with those kids and workers there so much. It has always been a struggle for me to build relationships like that for a week or two and then have to leave but i guess in those situations all you can do is hope that God gave you the opportunity to plant a seed in a heart. We did several other ministries there outside of the orphange like working at a medical clinic and a feeding center and cooking meals for the kids at the orphange. Coming back to Granada was pretty exciting for me because i love living here and seeing everyone we have been living with on a daily basis. It was weird because now we are living at El Puente so that is definitely going to be an adjustment. I cant wait to see everyone tomorrow and get some rest at home that you can only get at home around old friends and a great family! This has been a great first half of this year and thanks to everyone who has supported me and been praying for us down here:)
